Haunting My Life
by perfectlyyimperfect
Summary: AU. "Nightmares. They never stopped. Every night they came and every night they got worse." When Clara's given up on everyone and everything, can John get her to try again? Reated M for later smut.
1. Prologue

Nightmares.

They never stopped.

Every night they came and every night they got worse. They were the worst after my mom died in a car accident. She was on the way home one night and she got hit by a drunk driver. The last thing I said to her was 'I hate you'. We had just been in a huge argument and decided to leave to calm down. I remember waiting for her to come home so I could apologize. She never did. The next morning the police came and told us she was dead. My heart broke and I hated myself. I locked myself in my room for days. I couldn't eat or sleep. All I could do was cry. I was sick of myself. I wanted so badly to switch places with her. She didn't deserve to die. I did. I was a terrible person. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. My dad made me leave my room eventually, but I was never the same. I was never the same as before. He died not long after, about a year and a half later. I was 16 when my mom died and 18 when my dad died. I'm 21 now and the nightmares are the worst they've ever been. I wake up sobbing and screaming almost every night. I don't know how to stop them. I just want them to go away, to leave me alone. I just want to be happy. Everyone thinks I'm happy and strong and expects me to be perfect, but I lie. I'm not perfect, I'm nowhere near it. I'm terrible. I'm the worst person I've ever met. I hate myself. I just want to be okay, to be happy. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? I guess it is because I'm not okay. I probably never will be either. I don't let anyone in anymore. I put walls up and no one's been able to tear them down. Only a few have tried and none have succeeded. No one ever will. The only one who's seen the real me and the only one ever will is my best friend. I don't want to get hurt again. That's all everyone does. All they do is hurt me. I couldn't handle any more pain. It hurts too much. So I've given up on everything and everyone. Nothing is worth pain.

**AN: Okeyy, so this story is all in Clara's POV, unless I say otherwise. I think I'm gonna post like 5 chapters today, not including this one. Tell me what you think. I'm kind of wary about it. This is my first big story. Sorry if it's a terrible waste of time. Thanks for reading some of it anyway.(: And if you do like it, then keep reading and review please!(: Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 1

"Clara?" my roommate, Angie calls.

"In here," I yell back and wait for her to come to my room, "I was just studying. I've got a killer exam tomorrow in history."

"You should really get out more."

"I get out enough!" I exclaim with a scoff and put my books away because I wasn't getting much studying done anyway. Angie and I have been friends since grade school. We've always been pretty close. We grew up next door to each other so it only makes sense that we're good friends. She was always there for me, even after my parents died, so I made sure to return the favor after her mom died.

"Nina and I are going out tonight and you're coming, no arguments, get ready," she says and I comply because I know she'll get me to come one way or another.

"Fine, which club are we going to?"

"TARDIS."

"Great," I mutter bitterly. I swear the whole staff there hates me. I have no clue as to why though. I've never done anything to them.

"Yeah, so get ready. Now! Hurry!"

-HML-

About an hour and six dresses later, I look sexy and I'm ready to go.

"Angie, are you ready yet?" I call down the hall while finishing up my makeup.

"Yeah, Nina's on her way over. She's bringing Rory too," she says as she walks into my room and I groan.

"Why does she always have to bring her boyfriend? She ignores him the whole time anyway."

"Honestly, I don't know why the poor boy is still with her. She treats him terribly," she exhales.

"He'll figure out sooner or later that she's not going to change," I say with a sigh, "That poor boy, he could probably have any girl he wanted, but of course he picks the worst one for him."

A honk of a car outside ends that conversation abruptly. It'll probably come up some time later.

"They're here," Angie calls from the living room.

"Wait," I call back and scurry into the living room with my nude heels in my hands. Quickly, I put them on and grab my purse.

"How do I look?" I inquire as I smooth my red dress down. The dress only has one sleeve, which is lace, and it's bright red, like the lipstick I'm wearing. It hugs my body and comes down to the middle of my thigh.

"Gorgeous," Angie replies with a giggle, "what about me?"

I scan my eyes over her bright blue dress. The V-neck, tank dress has a few slits across her mid-back. It hugs her body and goes down to her mid-thigh as well.

"Sexy," I say with a giggle and a wink, "Alright, now let's go." We rush out to Rory's car and climb in.

"Hey Rory, Nina," I greet them with a smile and Angie waves.

"Hello," Nina replies and, like Angie, Rory just waves. I think Nina and Rory just had an argument because you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"Alright, let's get out of here," Angie says and I slump back into my seat. It's going to be a long night.

-HML-

As soon as we get to the club, Angie heads to the bar. Rory, Nina, and I go find a table and wait for Angie to get back with our drinks. After a minute or two of awkward silence, Angie is back with drinks.

"The guy at the counter is really awkward," she says when she finally gets back. I look up at the counter to see who she's talking about and I see a tall, awkward, handsome man pouring drinks for two girls who are definitely not old enough to drink.

"I don't know. He's actually kind of hot," I say.

Nina then pipes in, "I think I'm going to talk to him," making pretty much all of us angry.

"Not if I do it first," I mutter so quiet that only Angie can hear. She smirks and I jump up to go talk to him. He looks up at me expectantly when I reach the bar.

"Hi, I'm Clara," I say and check him out discreetly, "What's your name?"

"John Smith."

"Well John, can I tell you a secret?" I lean in and whisper sultrily. He nods.

"Well my friend over there," I motion to Nina, "thinks you're cute," I yank him forward by his bow tie and bring my lips to his ear, "but I think you're pretty fucking sexy," he gulps audibly and I chuckle in his ear. I take a pen out of my purse, grab a napkin, write my number down, and give it to him, "call me sometime," I say with a wink and strut off, back over to the table.

"That was hot, Clara," Angie greets me with a high-five.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you very much," I say while Angie and Rory applaud me and after a bow or two, I sit down.

"That was really awesome," Rory says.

"Thanks," I say as Nina storms off, up to some random guy and Rory's face falls, "Rory, I'm sorry about Nina. You could do so much better," I continue a bit awkwardly.

"Yeah, she's a bitch," Angie says, trying to help, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. She broke up with me on the way here anyway," he pipes in. Angie and I share a shocked look.

"Wow," Angie finally says, "I knew she was a bitch, but I didn't know she could be that bad."

"Well how about this? How about we hook you up with another girl tonight, a better girl?" I say with a smile and I look around the room for someone that looks like Rory's type.

"I don't know," he says sheepishly, "I'm not good at things like that, like what you just did."

"Sure you are!" Angie exclaims.

"Look around. Are there any girls that are your type?" I ask. He looks around and his eyes land on a familiar, feisty red-head up at the bar, talking to John. As soon as she sees Rory gawking at her, she storms over towards our table.

"Oi, What are you staring at?"

**AN: And I will leave you with that. I'm sorry I lied about when I was going to update. I don't have access to computers except for my cousin's and she happens to be behind on like 6 of her fanfics right now, so I don't get to use it very often. She should be getting a new laptop soon though, which means I get this one and I can update more often. Anyway I will try to update again soon. Sadly though, it probably won't be until Monday or afterwards. I'm still not sure if this story is that good. Tell me what you think of it because I'm extremely nervous. This chapter moved a little too fast in my opinion. The first few are kind of cheesy, but after that they should be better.**


	3. Chapter 2

**AN:** I'm warning you guys. This chapter is going to get a bit dramatic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or any of the characters. If I did I'd be married to Matt Smith and he wouldn't be leaving at Christmas this year.

**Chapter Two**

"Oi, what are you staring at?" she exclaims energetically, slams her hands down on the table, and Rory gets flustered.

"Uh, n-nothing," he mumbles.

"I'm sorry about my friend," Angie says, "he can be a bit shy."

"I think he has a crush on you," I say and giggle. He gives me a look and I wink back at him.

"Oh, so you've got a crush?" she says in the form of a question.

"Don't listen to her. She's drunk," he says with a blush on his face.

"Yeah, right! I bet it would take me longer to get drunk than you!" I exclaim with a laugh.

"Is that a challenge?" Rory asks with a smug grin.

"As a matter of fact, it is! You're on!" I exclaim.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, nose boy," Amy says with a smirk on her face.

"Nose boy?" Rory asks.

"Amy, can you be a dear and go get us a round of shots?" I ask with a pout on my face.

"Wait, nose boy?" Rory asks again.

"Fine, but only because I want to see you show him up and yes, I called you nose boy," Amy says.

"What's wrong with my nose?"

"Nothing, I just think it's cute," she says with a smug grin.

"Goodbye, Amy."

"I'm going, I'm going," she says and walks off. As soon as she's gone, Rory looks at me in bewilderment.

"Wait, you knew her this whole time and didn't think to tell me?" he asks with a glare.

"Yes. I did."

"Why?" he asks slightly annoyed.

"Because it's fun to mess with you."

"How do you know her?" Angie asks curiously.

"She dated my douchebag friend, Jeff," I say with a smug grin.

"Wait, she has a boyfriend?" Rory asks, more annoyed now.

"Dated. As in past tense? She figured out he was a jerk and left him, but we kept in touch."

When Amy gets back with our shots, Rory pushes up his sleeves and gives me a determinated look.

"So how are we going to do this?" he asks.

"I say whoever can do the most shots, wins. Are you ready?" I ask with a sly grin and a chuckle.

"Yeah."

"Go," Amy shouts and we both grab a shot and down it. By the time Rory gets to his ninth shot, he starts looking intoxicated, while I'm on my eleventh and I'm perfectly fine.

"Okay, I give up. You win," He says, dialogue slightly slurred.

"How'd you learn to drink like that?" Angie asks slightly shocked.

"When you drink with my dad, you have to learn how to 'drink properly' as he says," I say with a laugh and down another shot. Amy gives me a high five and steals one of the remaining shots.

"So, I never got your name," Amy says and pokes Rory in the chest, "Although, I wouldn't mind calling you nose boy."

"I'd prefer Rory, if you don't mind."

"Actually, I think I'll call you stupid face," Amy says.

"We call him binky boy," Angie pipes in and the table erupts with laughter from all of us, except Rory.

"Okay, okay. I think we've had enough fun torturing Rory," he says slightly annoyed.

"No! I'm not done yet! I've got tons more nicknames for you," Amy chuckles, "There's always-" Rory cuts her off by putting her hand over his mouth and he yelps in pain when she bites it.

"Ow! You didn't have to me!" He exclaims.

"Well, don't put your hand over my mouth and I won't!" Amy shouts back and Angie and I erupt in giggles. Nina chooses that moment to walk back over to our table with the buff guy on her tail and everyone gets quiet besides Amy.

"What's wrong?" Amy asks.

"Rory, I'm ready to leave," Nina orders.

"Well, I'm not yet," he bites back.

"Take me home, Rory."

"I told you, I don't want to go home yet."

"He's coming home with me anyway," Amy finally pipes in.

"What?" Nina asks with a shocked expression on her face.

"You heard what I said."

"Excuse me, but this is my boyfriend." The buff guy takes advantage of this moment to walk away without causing a bigger scene.

"Actually, you broke up with him, Nina," I pipe in.

"Did anyone ask for your opinion, Clara?" Nina bites back.

"Maybe not, but I'm pretty sure I can tell you what everyone else here is thinking."

"What are they thinking, then?"

"That this bitch, Nina, needs to back the fuck up and leave."

Not knowing what else to say she groans and storms off.

"Wow," Rory finally speaks up, "That was intense."

"Yeah, but the bitch got what she deserved," Amy replies, "And after that, I am ready to go home. Are you coming with me, Rory?" she turns and starts to walk off.

"Uhh, yeah," he manages to stammer out and shuffles awkwardly out of the booth and follows behind her.

Once he's gone Angie speaks up, "You do realize he was our ride home, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't think I'll have a problem getting home. You think you'll be alright?"

"Yeah, I'll catch a cab. Are you going to stay for a while?"

"Yeah, don't wait up."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." She walks out of the bar with her cellphone pressed to her ear and I walk back up to the counter to speak to John.

"Hey John, miss me?"

"Yeah," he says with a chuckle.

"So, my friends left me here with no ride home and I was wondering if I could have a ride?" I ask.

"Ride where?"

"My place, your place, doesn't matter to me," I say with a smug grin on my face.

"Okay, um, let me just, uh, finish up here," he says a little bit flustered.

"I'll be waiting," I say with a wink and a giggle.

-HML-

**AN: Okay so the ending was kind of cliché, but it wasn't dramatic as I thought it would be. SO YAY! I'm sorry it took so long to update, but like I said before I have limited access to computers so yeah. I'll try to update soon. Maybe next Tuesday or Wednesday. Next chapter will be smutty and definitely better. Lol. I'm still kind of wary of this story. Sorry if it hasn't lived up to your expectations so far. :/ k bye now!**


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: it's about to get smutty so if you don't like it, I wouldn't suggest reading this chapter. Though a few other things happen in this chapter. Maybe. I'm making it up as I go.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did Clara and the Doctor would kiss all the time and stop hiding their love for each other.**

**-HML-**

As soon as we get back to his apartment, we can barely keep our hands off of each other. His hands roam my body and his lips wander on my neck as a gentle moan escapes my lips. As soon as we get back to his room, he turns me around and unzips my dress slowly, peppering kisses down my back. Chills run down my spine as he lowers the dress off my shoulders and down to the floor. Left in my underwear, I start to feel shy and nervous. His fingers slowly roam over my body and I wrap my arms around myself. He moves my arms and I work on getting his clothes off, yanking on his bowtie and throwing it to the floor. I unbutton his vest and shirt and throw those to the floor with the rest of our clothes. My hands make their way down his chest to his pants. I undo this belt and unbutton his pants and push them to the floor. Both left in our underwear, I kiss him once more and push him down on his bed. I climb on top of him so I'm straddling him and lightly his ear. With his deep throaty groan, I smile. His hands find their way around to my back and undo the clasp to my bra. He lowers the straps and pulls it off of my chest, discarded with the rest of our clothing. He flips us over so he's hovering over me now. His lips find mine and hand finds one of my breasts. I gasp as he pinches my nipple between his index finger and thumb. His lips, now on my neck, find my other breast and he takes my areola in between his teeth and bites on it lightly, and then runs his tongue over it to cool the sting of the bite. Indecipherable words come from my lips in between my moans. His lips find the other nipple and repeat the process, then work their way down my stomach. His fingers find the edge of my underwear and pull them down and throw them to the floor. He kisses my inner thighs and his mouth hovers over my wet center. My back arches and my breath catches in my throat as his tongue laps at my core. And just as soon as he begins, he pulls away and his lips find mine once more. I bring my feet up and push his underwear down with my toes. My hips grind up against him and he groans audibly. He reaches over to his nightstand to grab a condom and rips the wrapper with his teeth. I grab the object from him and roll it over his manhood. His groans send me into a frenzy. I turn us over again and push him inside me slowly. I start to pick up the pace and rotate my hips. Before long, his hips are thrusting up to meet mine. As the pace quickens my walls clench around him and the frequency of my moans decreases.

"Fuck!" he groans as my walls tighten even further around him. After another thrust, my climax washes over me. He flips us over and thrusts into me a few more times before collapsing next to me.

-HML-

The next morning, I wake up around six o'clock and get dressed.

_What the hell was I thinking? _My thoughts pressure me, _I never do this. God, you're so stupid, Clara._

As soon as I get my clothes on, I turn to leave, but unluckily, John chooses that moment to wake up.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asks groggily, voice still heavy with sleep.

_Why does he have to be so sexy when he wakes up?_ I mentally groan.

"I, uh- I forgot that I have this big exam later today and um, I still have to study a bit," I manage to stumble out.

"Why don't you eat breakfast first and then I'll drive you home."

"No, sorry, I really need to go. I'll probably just catch a cab."

"Let me give you a ride. That's the least I can do." he sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes.

"No, it's fine really. I'll get a cab." He looks a bit disheartened and I start to feel bad, but then remember why I can't let him.

"Okay, I'll call you then."

_Crap._

"Oh yeah, sure, of course," I say and turn to leave once more. As I step out of his bedroom, I hear him sigh somberly. I shut the door and feel guilty, but turn and walk away. I grab my heels from the front door, slip them on, and step out the door. When I get out to the street, I realize forgot my purse inside and mentally smack myself.

_What the fuck is this guy doing to me? I never stay at a guy's place. I never leave stuff. I never give them my number. What the fuck is wrong with me? Okay. Okay. What to do, what to do. I could go back and get my purse and risk getting sucked in by him or I could the 10 miles home. _I groan and continue thinking, _Okay I'll just go get my purse and leave. You can do this Clara. You got this. Okay, here goes nothing._

I climb the steps to his apartment once more and open the door quietly, hoping he's still in his room. When I step inside, he's nowhere in sight, but as soon as I shut the front door, he pops out of his bedroom in just a pair of sweatpants with his disheveled hair, looking extremely sexy. He looks disheartened and I feel guilty once more.

"I, uh, forgot my purse," I stumble out while looking down at my fingers.

"Oh yeah, of course, that's fine," he says and grabs my purse while wandering over to me. He hands it to me and I make the mistake of looking him in the eyes.

"Thanks," I mumble, "Um, are you okay? You look a bit upset."

"Yeah, no. I'm fine."

"Um, I probably missed my exam by now, so I could stay, I mean if you want," I mumble out once more a bit shyly.

"Well, I was just about to go get breakfast, but you're welcome to join me," he says with a smile.

"Like this? I think I should probably change first," I giggle, looking down at my attire from yesterday and he giggles along with me.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Do you want me to drive you home so you can change?"

"And then breakfast?" I smile.

"Yeah."

"Okay then. Let's go."

**-HML-**

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update. Limited access to the computer. Anyway, I'll try to update again soon, but I gotta write the next chapter first. The smut wasn't that good. I'm sorry lol. Lemme know what you guys think of this chapter. I actually kind of like this one.**


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